Dear Diary,
So, everybody knows that Jessi isn’t my REAL mom, right? Right. Calling her ‘mom’ makes her think she my boss (whatever) Prime example – my dental yesterday.
Did I need to get my teeth cleaned? Absolutely not. Humans are such fuss budgets. So annoying. Yesterday morning I didn’t get breakfast. (clue number one). Then Bailey tried to give me a treat but Mom said no (clue number two). Actually, looking back I should have seen it coming a week ago when Sarah said that my breath was horacious. (which, P.S. horacious isn’t even a word!) Mom just said, “Yep, it really is! (again…it’s not a word) (plus, Sarah gets to be rude just because she’s a human???) (plus, do they think THEIR breath isn’t offensive? Do I flinch when I smell the toothpaste?) (#worstever!) Even more insulting mom blurts out, acting all disgusted, that I eat poop. How is that a BAD thing? I save her a bunch of work in the backyard! (#sorrynotsorry)
And something else, diary, have you ever heard of one single human who likes going to the dentist. (Well, maybe children but they get stickers and cool toothbrushes) I got called out from under the desk, as if I was getting a treat. Remember, I am STARVING TO DEATH…but oh no…she wasn’t giving me a treat. She just took me to see Ashley and Bethany. They are both perfectly great people but I know what they’re doing on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings. I know what’s up.
Remember I told you about my feelings a couple of days ago? Well, I was having A LOT of feelings. (A. hungry) (B. annoyed) (C. hungry) My tail and ears can practically speak English and I made sure everyone saw how I was feeling but nobody cared which was pretty insulting! (plus, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM thought it was soooo funny… #newsflash #notfunnypeople). Mom said, “You won’t even know it’s happening, Ethel. You will get some medicine to make you sleep and Bethany is going to take good care of you.” Yeah…sure… But then, it turns out it really wasn’t bad at all! (which, it would have been nice if someone had told me that first)(which, I suppose I might not have believed her but whatever) Anyway, the point is, all this leaves me wondering why humans don’t just get that medicine when they go to the dentist? I mean they’re the ones that know about it, right? So, everyone is happy now because my teeth have the Mom Stamp of Approval. Dr. Megan said clean teeth will keep me healthy, no more gunk on my teeth sending bacteria in my bloodstream. Also, now there are x-rays of the roots of my teeth and there is a report of my blood values which prove that I’m healthy (which I already knew of course…) I guess that’s all important. I was just glad to be back under the desk, curled up with Millie. Can’t wait to clean up the backyard when I get home! I’m starving!
Ethel (confidential)
BREAKING NEWS!!!
Unbelievable…they read my diary!!! (#PRIVACYVIOLATION) (which is #RUDE) (which is SO #rude! #nosy) Okay, so ‘horacious’ is a word but that doesn’t change anything…except now I have to bury you…
Ethel (confidential)
